Imagine my surprise when I read this on the label:
"Safe For All Popular Machines."
I never considered my steam cleaner cool or popular. He seemed average. Kept to himself, a solid B student. He always had to be carried up the stairs for chores, because he wasn't ambitious enough on his own.
I thought this was typical.
I asked him, "Honey, are you popular?"
He mumbled something.
"I know you are hot and steamy," I said, "but are you popular?"
It became obvious to both of us. This was going to be a make-over day.
From seeing the kids around the neighborhood, I knew a thing or two about "popular."
So, I bought my baby a backpack and headphones. His hat and scarf were mismatched on purpose. I caved and handed over my car keys.
The journey had begun.
Concert t-shirts were always fashionable when I was kid.
We agreed on Rush (of course).
Look! Some interest from another kid.
Maybe this guy will tell his friends and my kid will become popular, I thought.
We added bongos.
Yet, I wondered how much more effort was necessary.
How popular does a steam cleaner need to be? Scholars and philosophers have been chasing the answer to that question for ages. I never gave it much thought, but this day my carpets were really dirty.
We pressed on.
Even I became intimidated by my steam cleaner's hipness.
When asked about his feelings, he said, "talk to the cleaning bristles, woman." I think he also may have mentioned something about shizzles.
Had I created a back-talking monster? I couldn't resist testing the matter:
"You can't make me wear this stupid hat. You never understood me. I HATE YOU!" screamed my steam cleaner.
It was then that I realized...
Divas don't clean carpets.
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