Cool kids still ruin my life

As I was experiencing a rare moment of housecleaning motivation, I grabbed the carpet shampoo from the laundry room shelf.

Imagine my surprise when I read this on the label:

"Safe For All Popular Machines." 

I never considered my steam cleaner cool or popular. He seemed average. Kept to himself, a solid B student. He always had to be carried up the stairs for chores, because he wasn't ambitious enough on his own.

I thought this was typical.

I asked him, "Honey, are you popular?" 

He mumbled something.

"I know you are hot and steamy," I said, "but are you popular?"

It became obvious to both of us. This was going to be a make-over day.

From seeing the kids around the neighborhood, I knew a thing or two about "popular."
So, I bought my baby a backpack and headphones. His hat and scarf were mismatched on purpose. I caved and handed over my car keys.

The journey had begun. 

Concert t-shirts were always fashionable when I was kid. 

We agreed on Rush (of course).

Look! Some interest from another kid.

Maybe this guy will tell his friends and my kid will become popular, I thought. 

We added bongos. 

It worked!

Yet, I wondered how much more effort was necessary. 

How popular does a steam cleaner need to be? Scholars and philosophers have been chasing the answer to that question for ages. I never gave it much thought, but this day my carpets were really dirty.

We pressed on.

The winter hat was replaced with a ball cap. A backwards ball cap. 

Dang.

Even I became intimidated by my steam cleaner's hipness. 

When asked about his feelings, he said, "talk to the cleaning bristles, woman." I think he also may have mentioned something about shizzles. 

Had I created a back-talking monster? I couldn't resist testing the matter:

"You can't make me wear this stupid hat. You never understood me. I HATE YOU!" screamed my steam cleaner. 

It was then that I realized...

Divas don't clean carpets.

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Adventures of a DIY Mom

Fighter pie maneuvers

 

Parry, dodge, spin, thrust!

My pies will soon be outfitted with crucial pieces of combat equipment:

Pie shields!

For years this has been my strategy to prevent crusts from burning:

Foil is flimsy and usually bails just when the mission gets heated. 

I have wanted these shields forever! Thought I might have to wait 'til 2112.

En Garde!

Pies have assumed control. 
Pies have assumed control. 
Pies have assumed control.

 

Side note:

While waiting in the car mechanic's waiting room, I talked to another customer who told me he was very skilled at baking pies. He brought it up. Anyway, he said just to turn the heat down for the entire baking time and the crust won't burn. Well, maybe the crust won't burn, but then I'd wonder if the pie filling would be done. Pecan and pumpkin pies, especially, sometimes prove dubious.