I write a weekly column called “Neighborberry.”
I post these essays on my blog a few weeks after each one is released.
The publishers get first dibs. :)
If you would like to see "Neighborberry" in your local paper/website, please tell the editor to email me at krisjane7@gmail.com. Thanks so much!
Busyness blob (released August 2, 2013)
By Kris Kolk
When neighbors experience life-changing troubles, why do we
struggle to help? I think it’s because we are overrun with meaningless time
hogs. We need to take control and smack busyness around a bit.
Following are three scenarios which are typical and
unfortunate.
A woman hopes her cancer treatment works as her coworker
hopes to find strawberry-scented hair conditioner at the salon.
A mother argues with her daughter about buying a new cell
phone while en route to a candlelight vigil honoring a teenage suicide victim.
An elderly man sits alone in front of a TV dinner. During
that same hour, the family next door fusses about too many phone calls at
suppertime.
Jumping from one task to another, we plant marigolds by the mailbox,
buy a plain white t-shirt for a school project, and groom the dog as he whines
about it. After decades of this lifestyle, I’ve learned something important:
busyness is like basement storage. It will grow to the size of its container.
When I was in my early 20s, I attended college full-time. I
also had a part-time job and a boyfriend. I barely had time to bleach my hair
with lemon juice, get my colors analyzed (I’m an “autumn”), or line my shoes
against the wall in an orderly fashion like strappy, kitten-heeled soldiers. I
accomplished it all, though, and was proud of my time management skills.
I lived according to the dictates of glossy magazine essays.
I knew the seven ways to host a bodacious birthday bash and how to be the envy
of women in a fitting room. I never saw headlines about helping others. If
there was an article about producing a pinochle party for a playful nursing
home populace, I missed it.
Splurging on ourselves is encouraged in our culture, but we
must earn enough to fund the things we are told we deserve. This is a madman’s
merry-go-round. In reality, having enough money for indulgences is a luxury.
Many families would be satisfied for a chance at survival. Work and worry take
a toll. It is no wonder most of us are exhausted and have little extra time.
Focusing on one another, especially in times of need, is an
underestimated pleasure. It is low-cost, family-friendly, and much more
fulfilling than acquiring things. It has the power to provide passion and is
quite addictive. Use it to replace any bad habit or vice.
Be warned that becoming aware of our neighbors’ problems is
often eye-opening and sometimes shocking. Therefore, we must protect our own
inner joy. The mission is not to join the number of people wallowing in muck but
to share our cheer and happiness with those navigating the darkness. Just
having a compassionate person acknowledge and respect their situation provides
valuable therapy.
I can call a friend who is battling cancer and listen while
she vents frustrations. In addition to the tests and procedures, sick people
need somewhere for their thoughts to land. That I can provide.
A family’s grief from losing a child will never go away. Yet
there are many details to arrange during this time. Casseroles are helpful, but
if we dig deeper, we may find school books need returned and siblings need a
babysitter.
I understand we all must tend to necessities. I also realize
that charities, faith-based services, and social programs exist for a reason;
but these facilities are struggling. Helping at the neighborhood level relieves
some of their burden. All it takes to help the guy next door is a spare moment
and some forethought.
The next time busyness tries to boss your around, wrestle it
to the ground. Declare: “After supper I’m not going to give the dog a bath. I’m
going to take this apple crumble to Mr. Pivens instead.”
Mr. Pivens will be grateful and the dog will thank you, too.
Kris Kolk has been a writer and
neighborliness promoter for more than a decade. You can also visit her at www.neighborsabouttown.blogspot.com. Email
her at krisjane7@gmail.com .
